Well… I have never seen a more motley crew than which has been assembled in Lincoln, Nebraska to play basketball in the Big 10 conference. Jorge Brian Diaz is the returning team leader. The skinny bastard from somewhere not the United States is looking to become less of a pussy this year and expand his game from only hook shots. “The last few years I’ve been a big vagina, but this year, Doc finally talked some sense into me. Now I am not afraid of other people that play basketball,” says Jorge. “I have also learned to catch the ball.” Other returning players include Caleb Walker, Andre Almeida, and Brandon Ubel. Reports have said that Andre Almeida has finally learned how to run and hopefully will be able to stay in the game for more than 30 seconds this year. We have also received reports that Brandon Ubel is still a ginger and still has not learned basic concepts of basketball. Bo Spencer is a new transfer from LSU. It is still unknown why the poopstain he came to Nebraska.
After starting the season with critical wins over Doane and USD, Nebraska marched into USC and shocked the world by beating the Trojans in overtime. “I really didn’t think we had it in us,” says Doc. “I was quite sure we were going to suck this year, but maybe, just maybe, if the stars line up, and if somehow Ubel finds a soul, this season might turn out to be not that bad.”