SMH (or at least I would’ve been if it wasn’t throbbing)

The summer weather should never be a reason to be inside, but when it’s mandated by football every morning at six thirty, it’s easy to spend some time lazing around. For whatever reason, my niggas and I decided to dedicate one afternoon to playing some board games at my homeboy Jared’s house. Late as usual, I arrived about thirty minutes after the time we had all agreed upon, which naturally irritated those who were on time. Nevertheless, they had already decided to play a game called Risk.

I just smiled as the flashbacks of “the classic game of world domination” streamed through my mind. The game was given to me as a gift a few years back from my uncle who warned me, “This is a game that destroys friendships.” Clearly an exaggeration as the closest I had gotten to destroying friendships was when that little bitch, Brett “so chill” Meyer flipped the board in rage after a broken treaty. He probably cried too, that little bitch. I just kept my stories to myself as Jared began to divvy out the countries.

Now there is no question that many families have their respective house rules for board games, so early in the game, being the fair gamesman that I am, I decided to clarify. We agreed that trading cards (which are used to get more sets and in turn more armies), making treaties, and pretty much anything else were fair game. Immediately following the inaction of these rules, I noted that Angry Dave and Michael swapped some cards to get sets. Not worried a bit, I reflected on my prior 13 game monopoly win streak. knowing these types of games have a bit more to them than what is on the board.

Jump to late in the game, Angry Dave and I are clearly the powerhouses, with Sam and Michael thinned out, and Jared already being eliminated. I developed a treaty with muh nigga Sam early in the game and had an under the table agreement that should one of us be finna get capped, we would trade the other our cards for a hearty handshake. This is where shit got real. Dave was about to knock Sam out of the game and claim his cards for his own, nearly ensuring him dominance. However with one country left, loyal Sam handed me his cards and fumes began to exit Angry Dave’s ears.

What transpired for about the next twenty minutes was an irate argument over how unfair that would be, but being the world conqueror that I am, I expected this. I proceeded to make a mockery of Angry Dave’s argument by laughing outlandishly at that silly nigga and reassuring everyone how unreasonable he was being. But he was persistent, that is until everyone else not only came to agree with me, but also took action in ridiculing how obnoxious he had been. Before we realized how mad he had truly become, he whirled his flaming sun of a face at us and said, “why are you guys doing this? You know how I get.” But we just kept laughing.

The game continued in an ill-tempered fashion, primarily because it had become more about hovering flames over Dave’s short fuse. While it was still his turn, he screamed at me, “ Roll the fucking dice, I’m attacking the Ukraine!” I quickly noticed that I only had one army in the Ukraine and replied, “Well seeing as I only have one army, I’ll just roll the die. I wouldn’t want to cheat or anything, is that alright with you? ;)” That’s when his attacking dice hit me, which was rather fitting. Before I had a second to react, Dave was all up in my grill. At this point I hadn’t the slightest idea what was going to become of this clash, but it was resolved quickly when his clever of a fist met the side of my head just above my ear.  I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than sit on the couch in comedic hysteria and disbelief while Jared told Angry Dave he needed to leave. As he was walking up the stairs I said “hey Dave,” to which I got a quick glare, “what?” And with a smile growing big enough to split my lip I managed to snicker “I win….Bitch”

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4 comments on “SMH (or at least I would’ve been if it wasn’t throbbing)

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