State of the Union: Minute by Minute

While watching tonight’s State of the Union, I decided to provide an uncensored diary of my opinions throughout the speech. Below you will find my opinions as the night progressed.

8:02 CST – There is an image of a few congressmen filing into the room. They just showed an image of Gabriel Giffords, the Arizona congresswoman who was shot last year. Obama is one late motherfucker. All those over paid legislatures are stuck standing. Sucks for them.

8:04 CST – Still no Obama. I am amazed at the recent comment by the CNN bitch. She was actually surprised that BOTH democrats and republicans were applauding Giffords. Really, what kind of government do we have when common sympathy is surprising?

8:05 CST – Obama has already shaken 40 hands and is still 15 feet from the door he entered in. Take that Romney!

8:06 CST – Men and women of the chamber are still clapping. They may have more endurance than the Westside Student Section.

8:07 CST – The first black congresswoman that has appeared since Obama’s intro just audibly said that she had his back. Hmm… Interesting.

8:09 CST – Obama is now speaking to Supreme Court justices. Reminds me of Stephan Colbert’s interview with the latest retired judge. First class entertainment, I suggest you watch.

8:10 CST – Obama embraces Gabriel Giffords in a ‘warm’ hug. Good to see. Thank god she didn’t get any santorum on her.

8:11 CST – John Bohener just said that he had the privilege of introducing Obama. I bet he is whacking it to a memory of Palin under that desk.

8:12 CST – Obama starts the SOTU with a tidbit about ending the war. Typical, political move. Nice. One standing ovation down and many to go. I wish teachers were as eager listeners as these congresspeople.

8:13 CST – Osama Bin Who? That motherfucker be dead. Also, Jim Van Lent look alike spotted in front row.

8:14 CST – Biden seems to have smoked a bit much today. Coughing quite loudly is frowned upon in the chamber.

8:16 CST – Everyone plays by the same rules says Obama. Obvious shot at Romney. Nice.

8:17 CST – Little side jutting at dissent to his reign. Says that 8 million jobs lost were not his fault. Points to the 3 million job growth as a sign of success.

8:19 CST – Says that he will oppose any bills that go back to the atrocities of the past. Republicans are not too keen on this remark, remaining seated.

8:20 CST – While I do like what he is saying, I don’t understand how he can pass this off as anything but a political statement. Someone is up for reelection!

8:22 CST – Bohener is totally whacking it down there.

8:23 CST – so does that mean I can move my sweatshop back into my basement?

8:24 CST – Thank you!!! I am shining through in that statement! Tax outsourcing!!!!

8:25 CST – Eric Cantor WILL beat you in this stare off. He don’t give a fuck about what is coming out of Obama’s mouth. It is all shit in his mind.

8:26 CST – Oh shit! I didn’t know that Dumbledore turned black and joined the house of representatives.

8:27 CST – Obama is creating a manufacturing organization to oversee counterfeiting and piracy. Looks like no more fake beats by dre from dealextreme.com

8:28 CST – Jackie Bray, Obama’s special guest as an example for a new job holder, looked great until she turned her head to the side. Dirty tatoos!

8:29 CST – I know how to fix the economy. We will mind gold! Joe Biden is starting!!!! Someone got a boogie, Biden picked a boogie!

8:32 CST – Wow! Quite a demand. “I will support that every state require that a student graduate or turn 18.”

8:36 CST – Obama says I will sign any path to citizenship bill.

8:37 CST – Women should earn equal pay for equal work? You goin’ soft on me Obama?

8:40 CST – An overwhelming cheer envelops the room when Obama suggests alternative energy sources. Sounds like when we mock angry opposing parents.

8:41 CST – When they show Michelle Obama now, who would be shown in a Gingrich administration? Wife number 1, 2, 3 or his mistress?

8:42 CST – “I won’t give away the battery industry to china” (camera pans to obvious chinaman in audience)

8:46 CST – In the depression, we invested in the Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge. In the recession, we invested in Tim Tebow.

8:50 CST – “I guess it is reasonable in that circumstance to cry over spilt milk.” Even Bohener can laugh at that.

8:55 CST – Fuck, its been 5 minutes. All I have to say is that Bohener isn’t crying yet

8:56 CST – Is he talking about ‘people like me’ or is he talking about slithery newts like Mitt Romney?

8:58 CST – Really powerful stuff here by Obama. As usual, republicans don’t give a fuck.

8:59 CST – “Americans feel Washington is broken. Can you blame them? Last year we argued over whether America will pay its bills or not.” Well said.

9:00 CST – Are these stingy republicans lazy or just assholes?

9:03 CST – “When we act together, there is nothing the United States of America cannot achieve”

9:10 CST – We are apparantly secure from cyber threats. I believe that the biggest cyber treat is congress itself.

9:13 CST – I believe that teh chamber laughed when Obama said gay. Come on! We don’t even do it!!

9:17 CST – It is over… Good speech, I didn’t really get anything amazing out of it though. Definitely some shots at Romney. Can you say beef?

 

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