While most of you have been enjoying yourselves in college, a select few of us have been stuck in the O. Those of us who haven’t been sleeping on Twin XL mattresses were lucky enough to experience history being made at 90th and Maple, Putting Plus…

Last Friday night, (unintended but depressing Afternoon Delight reference right there) I played mini golf with an atypical foursome. In my group was my dude Yola, Ali T and Maddie G, different to say the least. When I began the round, I was unaware of both how much fun I was going to have and how well I was going to play. To give y’all an idea of my round, I am including the hole-by-hole below.

Hole 1: With a hefty swing, I bounce the ball off the back wall and into the cup for a hole in one!

1 Under Par

Hole 2: Playing conservatively, I roll the ball over the first hill, off the brick and into prime position for a 2-putt. Second putt, no problem. Ali T loses her ball in the parking lot.

1 Under Par


1 Under Par

Hole 13: Desaster strikes. After a fantastic first putt, I rim out the second leaving a 2 inch putt for three. While the bogey is saved, the hall of fame pace is threatened.

Even Par


Even Par.

Hole 17: At this point, I had gathered a large following. Who can blame these good folks for wanting to see history for themselves. There was a buzz in the air leading up to the dreaded water hole. Consisting of a jump over murky waters and a treacherous downhill to follow, hole 17 wasn’t fucking around. Neither was I. One small stroke of the club later, my ball jumped over the water, rolled past the hole, hit the back stop and landed right in the cup. Birdie.

1 Under Par

Hole 18: After Tommy tried upwards of 5 eyes-closed putts, it was my turn. After my first putt cleared the ledge, it was all over but the ceremony. Easy two putt to finish the round 1-under, 35. Hall of fame.

1 Under Par

To prove to you motherfuckers that I did indeed make the hall of fame, I will post this picture below. In this picture, I am pointing to a scorecard on the hall of fame wall. How do you know it is mine, you ask? You don’t. You must trust me that I am not a big enough douchebag to claim a sub-36 score… (cough, cough vageenmachine).


Now you may be wondering why I posted this very boring story. The reason? You!

All of you are in college, surely having great times. Why won’t you share your stories with taintit? Other than the foodvulture, I have no idea how any of you are doing! Plus, I am bored AS FUCK in Omaha.



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