Week Four Fantasy Football Projections

As the weekend approaches, another week of fantasy football is set to begin.  League Made for the Streets is going strong and has not let the dysfunctional replacement refs become an excuse for poor results, unlike real NFL players (pussies).  These projections are bold.  Projected scores are italicized.  Week 4 can set the tone for the rest of the season, unless the first two weeks of a team’s season were fucked over by a shitty and non-attentive commissioner.  

Trillwaukee Killaz 104 vs. Team 133 91
The Roger Goodell of league MFTS, commissioner Gayve’s team continues it’s soft early schedule with a matchup against Michael Vick and a Killaz team that has been struggling recently. Commissioner Gayzer has not been without controversy, as scheduling conflicts have arisen on top of suspicious scoring and home field advantage policies.  No matter, as karma will once again keep this shady as fuck commish and his super shitty team will fall to a far superior(yet still pretty average) Trillwaukee team.  111-73 Trillwaukee Killaz

Arian Foster Care 118 vs. Calvin Knows 118
This matchup promises to intrigue as the score is projected to be the same! Like they’re the exact same fucking number! Holy shit.  But seriously, we all know that projections are absolute bullshit and rarely correct.  Both of these teams are coming off wins, however, and this should be an exciting matchup.  While Arian Foster Care will put up a valiant fight, Calvin Johnson is too fucking huge to be stopped.  132-124 Calvin Knows

But I’m Not A Rapper 13vs. Olympic Champion 143
This should be an incredibly high scoring matchup, as both teams are in fine form.  Will this be the week that the auto pick queer finally loses? I certainly hope so.  I expect Aaron Rodgers to get his shit together and stop being a pussy, which will lead to a win for the Olympic Champions.  128-118 Olympic Champions

Team 420 LA Edition 83 vs. Mr. Winky Pokin’ Stinky 121
In another matchup of average at best teams, Mr. Winky Pokin’ Stinky(what the fuck stupid name is that) should easily prevail.  110-75 Mr. Winky Pokin’ Stinky

La Verga de Destructión 115 vs. Team MFTS 110
In another matchup of two teams that have been experiencing a large amount of success recently, I expect Chachi’s dick of destruction to Mushroom stamp Marshall and his team in the face in tune to an easy win, as Matty Ryan and Adam Jarvis Green will propel the team to victory.  113-109 La Verga de Destructión 

Poop On You 101 vs. Team MFTS(Fino) 132
Poop On You has been having a difficult beginning to the season to this point, but Team MFTS is coming off a loss and a horrible week overall.  Jamall Charles and Tashard Choice will be the 3rd and 4th highest scoring running backs, respectively, and will propel team Poop on you to it’s first win. 138-114 Poop On You

Jordana on My Banana 85 vs.Chelsea Football Club 106
While team Jordana on My Banana has one of the most creative team names in the league it’s players do not have enough heart/desire/talent to prevail over newly renamed Chelsea Football Club.  I predict Chelsea football club to easily beat Arsenal on Saturday, 3-1, and to demolish Jordana on My  Banana on Sunday behind huge weeks for Christian Ponder, Trent Richardson, Cedric Benson, Dez Bryant, Jon Baldwin, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham, the Defense of the New York Giants, and Matt Bryant.  149-93 Chelsea Football Club

Good Luck to all, not really.

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4 comments on “Week Four Fantasy Football Projections

  1. Despite me being projected to lose I have to say these are by far the best projections so far. Very entertaining. Good on you Oliver.

    P.S. Fino, I know you have about as much creativity as you do fantasy football talent (very little) and you aspire to be as awesome as me in all things in life, but you just aren’t hood (no typo) enough. You’re a disgrace to the streets.

  2. Excellent tags sir. I would like to say that the game of the week is for sure Team MFTS (the real one) vs Equipo destructodick. I know I am biased but seriously this is a tantalizing match-up. La verga is undefeated so far and the top scoring team in the league, but their top player CJ spiller is likely to be out and two other top starters are questionable. Team MFTS is always a tough opponent due to their scheming coach and the advice of Reddit. This one likely won’t be determined until monday, folks.
    ~Chachi

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