Fantasy Football Preview

As it is friday afternoon and nothing has been posted yet, I will be handling the duties of predicting the games this week.  Given my immense knowledge of Fantasy Football (as shown by my undefeated record and league lead in points) all of these predictions should be correct.

Game 1: Team 133 (projected 104) vs Calvin Knows (projected 97)

This matchup is of major interest, not due to the quality of the teams or the predicted points scored (because neither is noteworthy) but because this will decide which of the Michigan boys is pitching and which is catching for the coming week.  Team 133 is flying high coming off of a win in which 3 players scored nearly 75% of their points.  However, their manager is known for being shitty at fantasy football.  Calvin Knows, while initially expected to do well is being shown as overhyped, with their namesake not doing very hot.  He wasn’t even the best receiver on the Lions last week.  With this matchup it looks like Glazer will be pitching, having set up another favorable matchup for himself.

Team 133 over Calvin Knows

Game 2: But I’m Not a Rapper (84) vs. Olympic Champion (127) REMATCH

At this time, the Autopick veteran seems to be hoping his roster is auto-set as he has not adjusted it from last week yet.  Even if he does, it likely won’t matter as his team is just too injured to compete this week.  He doesn’t even have enough WRs to fill out his line up.  Mr. Gold Medal’s team is also just too strong.  He won this exact same matchup handily last week and looks to do it again.

Olympic Champion prevails


Game 3: Mr. Winky Pokin Stinky (95) vs. Arian Foster Care (107)

One of the league’s largest surprises so far, Mr. Winky Pokin Stinky actually won a game.  Another surprise is that Arian Foster Care doesn’t start a single Chargers player.  This battle of middle of the pack Tits division teams should be interesting as well, with AFC having the better record but MWPS scoring more points overall.  I predict this to go down to the wire, especially if Rupp/Baker starts a kicker not on their bye week.

If MWPS picks up another kicker they continue their miracles, surpassing the lowest fantasy expectations of all time.  However if not, it goes to Arian Foster Care.

Game 4: Team 420 LA Edition (123) vs Chelsea Football Club (120)

This game is predicted to be the closest of the week and is therefore…the game of the week! While the records are by no means exciting, both teams actually boast quite potent offenses, just cursed with unlucky scheduling and untimely letdowns.  Team 420 has been flying high recently off of some medical grade cali kush and a very balanced line up.  Chelsea Football club has no kush but a very volatile team as well.  Both the Green Bay/Indianapolis game and the Atlanta/Washington game are expected to affect this matchup greatly.  Chelsea is currently leading the Premier league and looks to move up in the League MFTS this week.

Chelsea Football Club over Team 420 LA Edition in a defensive battle

Game 5: Trillwaukee Killaz (132) vs Team MFTS (89)

 A year ago it would’ve been unthinkable that the once vaunted Team MFTS be below .500 however that seems nearly certain this week.  The Trillwaukee Killas led by Roddy White look to explode again and Team MFTS’ scrub running backs are projected for a combined 6.  Ouch.
The Trillwaukee Killaz in a bloodbath
Game 6: Poo on You (106) vs Show Me Your TDs (120) REMATCH
What the fuck Glazer?  Two rematches in one week?  I would rather go to Bellevue West than have you as my league commissioner the rate this is going.  OJ Simpson is a better husband than you are commissioner.  Come on.
Show Me Your TDs sweeps Poo on You
Game 7: La Verga de Destrucción (113) vs Jordana on My Banana (104)
Due to a conflict of interest, I will refrain from predicting this game.  I think it will be very high scoring and close.

7 comments on “Fantasy Football Preview

  1. I agree. Why are there rematches… last year aint none. dis year some.. what up wit dat

    • Im sorry calvin knows but at the draft you were expected to be a top 2 team. Right now I don’t see that and calvin johnson has not proved to be a great pick.

  2. A great read Chachi, I am inclined to agree that I am fucked this week and that Glazer is a huge douche face. If whoever wins the league this year is willing, they should take over the commissioner role.

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