We are well into the 2012 fantasy football season, as league made for the streets is in week 10. This means there are only four games after this week to determine the playoff bracket. WIth the season winding down, the contenders will start to separate themselves from the pretenders. Here are my power rankings for LMFTS.
14. Mr. Winky Pokin’ Stinky Record 2-7 PF-805.9 PA 932.5
While they certainly have heart, team stinky lacks talent, competent management, and experience. Also hurt by the injury to first round pick, Jones-Drew, this team is struggling for points, as their 805.9 points scored is good enough for last. Still a slight threat to win each week as a result of Jewlio Jones, Mr. Winky Pokin’ Stinky isn’t scaring anyone.
13. Team 420 LA Edition Record 3-6 PF-892.4 PA-1104.6
Team WEED has attempted a makeover with it’s blockbuster trade of Alfred Morris for Mikel Leshourse and Hakeem Nicks. In this writer’s opinion, however, all three of these player’s will have disappointing ends to their seasons as a result of bad karma from making a trade with Marshall. Team WEED’s complaints of having the most points scored against would have more validity if they also did not have the second least amount of points scored.
12. Jordana on My Banana Record 4-5 PF-899 PA-836.8
While clearly the team with the best name, team JOBA has not done itself any favors and has been unable to capitalize on having (by far) the least points against in the league. Combine this with the week 4 outburst of Brian Hartline, and you have a team that has been scraping by on luck. Without that huge game by a super-white receiver (I didn’t know it was allowed for a white receiver to NOT be a slot guy), team JOBA would be tied for the second worst record in the league and have the second lowest points scored. This team is filled with problems.
11. Team MFTS Record 3-6 PF-926.3 PA-977.2
We have all heard the phrase,”All good things must come to an end”. In my opinion, the opposite is also true, all bad things must come to an end. Thankfully, it appears that Marshall’s fantasy success has come to an end, and nothing he tries to do about it, from high-profile trades to making by far the most acquisitions in the league(44… holy fuck) have stopped his downfall. Team MFTS better start picking it up soon, otherwise they’re about to be living on the streets.
10. FUCK YOU BITCHES Record 5-4 PF-927.9 PA-887.2
Team FUCK YOU BITCHES is ranked this low in spite of a winning record as a result of an incredibly rude and non-creative team name, the second lowest points against, and because of a still-held grudge stemming from an early season scheduling dispute. A three game winning streak is encouraging, but I anticipate this team will finally encounter a difficult matchup. I am not impressed with this team, and do not think they will turn it around.
9. TRILLWAUKEE KILLAZ Record 5-4 PF-943.7 PA-936.2
Their owner will be the first to tell you that this is a very strong team, and that barring injuries, this team would be amongst the best in the league. What I have to tell this owner, however, is that when drafting oft-injured players such as Matt Forte and Fred Jackson, injuries should be expected. In short, this team is full of douchebags who refuse to play through injuries, just like their douchebag-pussy owner.
8. But I’m Not A Rapper Record 4-5 PF-998.9 PA-985.1
One of the strongest team names in the league, paired with autodraft and lack of attention to lineups, leads to one of the most polarizing teams in the league. This team has risen and fallen with rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III, yet has enough other weapons to carry itself. Strong running backs and a throwback season from Tony G make this team dangerous.
7. Poop On You Record 4-5 PF-989.3 PA-1038.2
The feel-good story of the year in League MFTS. An owner who usually produces sub-par teams paired with the second-to-last pick in the draft is not usually a recipe for success, yet team Poop On You has been a force, sometimes losing only as a result of playing the highest scoring team in the league. This is a very strong team, and has strengthened itself by taking advantage of dumb mother fuckers and making good trades. This is a team on the rise, and if it can get itself healthy, will be a force to be reckoned with.
6. La Verga de Destrucción Record 5-4 PF-1008 PA-1002.3
After a strong start, team dick of destruction has lost momentum as a result of lack of depth at the running back position. C.J. Spiller has cooled down after a hot start, and reach first round pick Darren McFadden is having a disappointing season. Adenovirus Japanese Green is having a strong year, though, as is Matty Ryan. This team has potential if it can get it’s shit together, but then again, winning is very mainstream, so who knows.
5. Calvin Knows Record 5-4 PF-998.7 PA-896.7
Despite a semi-disappointing year so far for its star player, Calvin Knows that it is not out of the race. Calvin Knows that it has had a pretty soft schedule so far, but has taken advantage and scored points. Calvin Knows that Peyton Manning is a top quarterback and that should Megatron start scoring like cray, Calvin Knows it can beat just about anyone.
4. Arian Foster Care Record 6-3 PF-949 PA-914.5
In retaliation for all of the preseason hate, Arian Foster Care went on a six game winning streak after dropping it’s first two contests. This is a team with potential, but has been winning mostly as a result of encountering opponents on down weeks, and has yet to be truly tested. If they can take care of business and start to score against better opposition, they could push the top teams.
3. Olympic Champion Record 6-3 PF-959.7 PA-897.3
While Marty Mart would tell you his team’s success is due to being a force, the truth is that they have gotten their wins through luck and have had one of the softest schedules in the league. They are clearly opportunistic and have capitalized on the weakness of their schedule, but still, it is difficult to see this team staying towards the top. Look for them to quietly fizzle into mediocrity.
2. Big Fin Record 5-4 PF-1019.6 PA-1011.4
In spite of an underwhelming record, team Big Fin grabs the second spot as a result of scoring the second most points, and being scored on quite a bunch as well. These wily mother fuckers always have a trick up their sleeves, and are always a threat to win. This is undoubtedly a team on the rise.
1. Chelsea Football Club PF-1040.5 PA-939.9
While this screams of nepotism, there is really no other ranking this team deserves. Not only does it post the most points scored (by twenty!), but boasts a winning streak of five. Without some shady scheduling in weeks one and two in which it clearly caught La Verga de Autodestrucción at it’s peak, and a ridiculous over forty point week from Brian Hartline, this squad could potentially be 8-1. All of this, plus the fact that it had the last pick in the draft, and Chelsea Football club and it’s dangerous duo of tight ends is clearly the number one team.