Sup bitches. It’s been far too long since my last post, so what better way to get back in the game than a story? It is quite long but I would say worth the read.
The night began with myself being assigned a sober position for my fraternity house, that position luckily was bartender, so basically I serve drinks to sexy bitches all night, ill take it. The drink of the night was a wonderful concoction called a Ron Burgundy, I apologize but the recipe is a well kept secret.
So after brewing said drink the party began and I completely abandoned my post and got completely blacked out. (nothing unusual here)
What I do remember from the night was using my perfectly honed blackout game spitting skills. I ended up landing a pretty decent chick and proceeded to take her to my dorm. We ate shit over 10 times with this girl on my back falling into the snow. Why she stayed with me after that, I am puzzled.
We finally made it back to my dorm and by some substantial miracle I was able to pop a woody and we proceeded to bone for about 2 minutes until I became too tired and stopped. Following the quick bone sesh we laid on my bed, upon which I turned my head away from her and threw up all over my room, all of which happened without her knowing.
After throwing up I said fuck it and kept laying there with said girl, whom was still oblivious to my significant amount of throw-up in the room. While laying there i slowly felt a warm substance creep up behind me seeming to soak my back, after looking to my side i found that this fully naked female was, to my horror, pissing herself, and it was pretty much directly on me.
After this terrible realization I developed a “fuck this shit” mentality and left my room to pass out on 3 different beds throughout the night, each time trying to convince the rightful owner of the bed that it was in fact MY bed, NOT there’s.
Clearly this is not my proudest of nights, however it will be quite the memory none the less. Hope this never happens to any of you. I blame Ron Burgundy.